The Night Before Trunkmas

T' was the night before Trunkmas
and all through Steven's Pass
not a creature was stirring
not even Bert's lazy ass.
The ski gear was hung
in the hallway with care.
In the hopes that Trunky Claus
soon would be there.

With me at the computer
and wearing a robe and a cap
I was just settling down for
a long Trunkmas Eve's nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
a tiny dogsled and eight tiny huskies were there.

And a fat-assed driver so lazy and drunk
I knew in a moment it must be, "The Trunk."

He stomped onto the porch
and kicked in the front door,
grabbed the cookies and milk, and
said, "More and more."

He went to the kitchen, the fridge he did open.
Saw the goodies he wanted
and all the freebies he was hoping.
His pockets he filled with cranberries and yams.
His bag he filled with turkey and glazed hams.

He walked to the tree and said, "These presents are nice.
I'll sell them on e-bay, they'll fetch a good price."

He grabbed them all and went out to the yard,
got in his dogsled like a big tub of lard.
He cracked his big whip to awaken the team,
he cried out their names, so it would seem.

"On Flasher, on Barfer, on Boner, on Tits'on."
"On Vomit, on Stupid, on Ass-clown, and ****son."
"To the top of the fence, to the top of the wall.
Now fly away, fly away, once and for all."

And I heard him exclaim after he yelled, "You all suck."
"Crappy Trunkmas to all, Blow me dumb ****."

____________________________________________

Horvath

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