Improvements to ski resorts

After drinking far too much in Meribel last week me and a few of the others
in the chalet decided that there are a number of improvements that could be
made to ski resorts and a number of money making ideas:

1. Piste Grading - The green - black grading is too vague and varies
too much from resort to resort. On the basis that young people are better
skiers than old people (yes I know I'm talking crap - I'm 50 by the way) we
thought that an independent body should grade the pistes from 15 to 70 in
increments of 5, with the hardest pistes at 15 and the easiest at 70. On
that basis a really hard black now would be a 15 (easy stuff for a teenager)
and a green now would be a 70 and OK for a wobbly wrinkly with bi-focal
goggles. Everything else in between.

2. Dedicate certain pistes to specific groups - three specifics come to
mind but no doubt there could be others. Wrinkly runs (for old people)
would be shallow graded 60 - 70 runs (see above) with toilets every 400m.
They would have to be high to that they would be grey if the weather is not
sunny. Ladies runs - for the ladies obviously! also shallow, but in pretty
areas like through the trees and with make up stations and mirrors every
400m instead of toilets. Snow boarder runs - They'd have no decent snow cos
that saves the boarders from spending all day scraping it off, drag lifts so
the skiers can enjoy the show and lots of sudden steepening of the pistes so
the boarders can stop just over the ledge for others to crash in to them.
Any other ideas?

3. Gondolas - They need mini-bars

4. Rickshaw rides - lots on non-skiers and wobbly beginners want to get
about the mountains but cannot. So - how about tarting up a few blood wagons
with fancy paint jobs, bolting on a couple of chairs and the pisteurs
scaring the **** out of them on 15- 20 type runs?

5. Basher rides - seems a waste to have one bloke on his own driving up
and down the pistes all night in a basher. Why not charge 50e a go after
the bars close? It'll keep the drunks off the roads and let the rest of us
get to sleep, the basher drivers have some company and there's money to be
made. I'd pay 50e for 1/2 hour.

6. Chairs - they need electric seat heaters

7. Fast food - drive thu Macdonalds do OK over here so what about
ski-through tartifleterries? Same principle and a MaccyD, but you'd simply
ski though and collect your croque Madame, tartiflette and vin chaud to go.

8. Style police - there are still too many skiers with really crap
outfits, either leftover pink/green/white from the 80's or one piece things
that cost a fortune from some posh designer in London. Style police will
have the authority to impose 50e on the spot fines for bad dress

So - that's what we thought, but do any of you have any better ideas?

Rob

"Rob White" wrote in
:

After drinking far too much in Meribel last week me and a few of the
others in the chalet decided that there are a number of improvements
that could be made to ski resorts and a number of money making ideas:

7. Fast food - drive thu Macdonalds do OK over here so what about
ski-through tartifleterries? Same principle and a MaccyD, but you'd
simply ski though and collect your croque Madame, tartiflette and vin
chaud to go.

Yes, you definitely had benn drinking some. But there's at least one ski-
through McDonalds in Sweden anyway...

/Tommy P.

"Rob White" wrote in message ...
After drinking far too much in Meribel last week me and a few of the others
in the chalet decided that there are a number of improvements that could be
made to ski resorts and a number of money making ideas:

1. Piste Grading -

Do away with it altogether - it would make it so much more exciting
for beginners!



2. Dedicate certain pistes to specific groups - three specifics come to
mind but no doubt there could be others. Wrinkly runs (for old people)
would be shallow graded 60 - 70 runs (see above) with toilets every 400m.
They would have to be high to that they would be grey if the weather is not
sunny. Ladies runs - for the ladies obviously! also shallow, but in pretty
areas like through the trees and with make up stations and mirrors every
400m instead of toilets. Snow boarder runs - They'd have no decent snow cos
that saves the boarders from spending all day scraping it off, drag lifts so
the skiers can enjoy the show and lots of sudden steepening of the pistes so
the boarders can stop just over the ledge for others to crash in to them.
Any other ideas?

3. Gondolas - They need mini-bars

Well yes, goes without saying. Some sort of foot-massage service would
also be nice...

4. Rickshaw rides - lots on non-skiers and wobbly beginners want to get
about the mountains but cannot. So - how about tarting up a few blood wagons
with fancy paint jobs, bolting on a couple of chairs and the pisteurs
scaring the **** out of them on 15- 20 type runs?

great idea - even for good skiers who, at the end of the day or after
a big lunch, simply can't be arsed to ski any more...


5. Basher rides - seems a waste to have one bloke on his own driving up
and down the pistes all night in a basher. Why not charge 50e a go after
the bars close? It'll keep the drunks off the roads and let the rest of us
get to sleep, the basher drivers have some company and there's money to be
made. I'd pay 50e for 1/2 hour.


I know why not - cos they'd take your €50 and take you to the top of
the mountain in the pitch black - then demand €250 to take you down
again!

6. Chairs - they need electric seat heaters

7. Fast food - drive thu Macdonalds do OK over here so what about
ski-through tartifleterries? Same principle and a MaccyD, but you'd simply
ski though and collect your croque Madame, tartiflette and vin chaud to go.


Yup - I think more litter on the piste would be great!

8. Style police - there are still too many skiers with really crap
outfits, either leftover pink/green/white from the 80's or one piece things
that cost a fortune from some posh designer in London. Style police will
have the authority to impose 50e on the spot fines for bad dress


this would cost me a fortune....

So - that's what we thought, but do any of you have any better ideas?


Make ski schools wait for the lifts like everyone else...

Stop locating mountain restaurant toilets at the bottom of the
steepest & slipperyist stairs they can find...

Lock up those (mainly borders) who insist on stopping just where the
piste narrows, steepens, gets icy and difficult...

.... and loads more I expect but as it's 8:40 am I don't have the
benefit of alcohol!

Abolish grooming.

Jeremy

6. Chairs - they need electric seat heaters

7. Fast food - drive thu Macdonalds do OK over here so what about
ski-through tartifleterries? Same principle and a MaccyD, but you'd simply
ski though and collect your croque Madame, tartiflette and vin chaud to go.


My brother's idea was to add fast food outlets to chair lifts,
particularly long slow ones. As you pass one pylon you place your order.
At the next one pay for it. A few pylons later you pick it up. Litter
etc can be dealt with by putting flexible catch baskets under the chair.

His other ideas for improving ski resorts inlcuded a balti house for
Meribel.

We are currently woking on a design for toilets on chair lifts.

John

If you put a Balti house in Meribel you'll need the toilets on the chairs!!

"john elgy" wrote in message
...

6. Chairs - they need electric seat heaters

7. Fast food - drive thu Macdonalds do OK over here so what about
ski-through tartifleterries? Same principle and a MaccyD, but you'd
simply
ski though and collect your croque Madame, tartiflette and vin chaud to
go.


My brother's idea was to add fast food outlets to chair lifts,
particularly long slow ones. As you pass one pylon you place your order.
At the next one pay for it. A few pylons later you pick it up. Litter
etc can be dealt with by putting flexible catch baskets under the chair.

His other ideas for improving ski resorts inlcuded a balti house for
Meribel.

We are currently woking on a design for toilets on chair lifts.

John

While skiing a in Val D'Isere a few weeks ago, I was pleased with the
improvements made to the lifts at Val D'Isere, Tignes upgraded just a
couple of lifts. By far, most were those rickety old ass bangers. I
opted for the poma when one was available. I would like to know where
the operating funds are going in Tignes. Certainly not for improvements
for the most part.

Rob White wrote:

After drinking far too much in Meribel last week me and a few of the others
in the chalet decided that there are a number of improvements that could be
made to ski resorts and a number of money making ideas:

1. Piste Grading - The green - black grading is too vague and varies
too much from resort to resort. On the basis that young people are better
skiers than old people (yes I know I'm talking crap - I'm 50 by the way) we
thought that an independent body should grade the pistes from 15 to 70 in
increments of 5, with the hardest pistes at 15 and the easiest at 70. On
that basis a really hard black now would be a 15 (easy stuff for a teenager)
and a green now would be a 70 and OK for a wobbly wrinkly with bi-focal
goggles. Everything else in between.

2. Dedicate certain pistes to specific groups - three specifics come to
mind but no doubt there could be others. Wrinkly runs (for old people)
would be shallow graded 60 - 70 runs (see above) with toilets every 400m.
They would have to be high to that they would be grey if the weather is not
sunny. Ladies runs - for the ladies obviously! also shallow, but in pretty
areas like through the trees and with make up stations and mirrors every
400m instead of toilets. Snow boarder runs - They'd have no decent snow cos
that saves the boarders from spending all day scraping it off, drag lifts so
the skiers can enjoy the show and lots of sudden steepening of the pistes so
the boarders can stop just over the ledge for others to crash in to them.
Any other ideas?

3. Gondolas - They need mini-bars

4. Rickshaw rides - lots on non-skiers and wobbly beginners want to get
about the mountains but cannot. So - how about tarting up a few blood wagons
with fancy paint jobs, bolting on a couple of chairs and the pisteurs
scaring the **** out of them on 15- 20 type runs?

5. Basher rides - seems a waste to have one bloke on his own driving up
and down the pistes all night in a basher. Why not charge 50e a go after
the bars close? It'll keep the drunks off the roads and let the rest of us
get to sleep, the basher drivers have some company and there's money to be
made. I'd pay 50e for 1/2 hour.

6. Chairs - they need electric seat heaters

7. Fast food - drive thu Macdonalds do OK over here so what about
ski-through tartifleterries? Same principle and a MaccyD, but you'd simply
ski though and collect your croque Madame, tartiflette and vin chaud to go.

8. Style police - there are still too many skiers with really crap
outfits, either leftover pink/green/white from the 80's or one piece things
that cost a fortune from some posh designer in London. Style police will
have the authority to impose 50e on the spot fines for bad dress

So - that's what we thought, but do any of you have any better ideas?

Rob

Chairs that don't stop! If you fall doing something foolish as often
occurs on the chair lift, Lift Bouncers will clear you away.

Perhaps we could look at Val D'Isere's new 8 pack lift. A conveyer belt
moves riders into position to catch the chair. If a belt at the arrival
point moved the passengers out of the way, there would be no reason to
ever stop the chair.

john elgy wrote:

6. Chairs - they need electric seat heaters

7. Fast food - drive thu Macdonalds do OK over here so what about
ski-through tartifleterries? Same principle and a MaccyD, but you'd
simply
ski though and collect your croque Madame, tartiflette and vin chaud
to go.


My brother's idea was to add fast food outlets to chair lifts,
particularly long slow ones. As you pass one pylon you place your order.
At the next one pay for it. A few pylons later you pick it up. Litter
etc can be dealt with by putting flexible catch baskets under the chair.

His other ideas for improving ski resorts inlcuded a balti house for
Meribel.

We are currently woking on a design for toilets on chair lifts.

John