Two Buddha Crap Shack TV ads

As long as we are fantasizing, what about a crap shack tv ad. I
envision it sort of like a local auto dealer ad where the dealer does
the ad himself.

It starts out with a big picture of a sign that says "Two Buddha's
Gear Shack" pans back to see FF in all his glory wearing a muscle man
T-shirt, leather chaps (nothing underneath) and a Cowboy hat. He's
yelling like those dealers, "Here at Buddha's Gear shack we have all
the ****ing moldy **** you can't find in your ****ing basement. As an
example for all you ****ing freaks out there, check out these 1985 ski
pants - we even include one of the zippers. Shot, Bert is standing
there with no shirt on, chain smoking, with the pants on with one side
flapping in the breeze cuz of no zipper. FF-, "Just like ****ing new
condition, just 5.99", Call now and not only will I send you these
****ing pants, I will ****ing call you every ****ing name in the
****ing book.

Need a ripped polartec vest, we have this ****ing puke green vest
complete with some dog **** on it, Shot, Jeff Davis standing there
with a shirt and vest with nothing on below the waist, posing. FF-for
4.99 you can have this ****ing vest with its myriad of ****ing smells,
plus if you ****ing freaks order now, you'll get Jeff Davis's new
book, The Idiot's Guide to Name Dropping. Every ****ing technique was
tried out and approved by ****ing Jeff Davis, his ****ing self.

Remember, ****ing Two Buddha's Crap er Gear Shack. We go dumpster
diving so you don't have to.