On-topic joke, even

There's almost no jokes about skiing (it's funny enough in itself I
suppose) but this arrived in the office today:

There's two blokes in Dundee watching the evening weather forecast and
they see it's going to snow. They reckon they'll go skiing, but in
Scotland you've got to be quick or it melts, so they throw their kit in
the van and start driving overnight, to be there at dawn.
It starts to snow and it gets heavier and finally they're in the
Highlands and they can't see the road or anything, so they stop at a
lonely farmhouse and ask for shelter.
The farmwife says, "You can't come inside, I'm a widow, people would
talk" but she says they can sleep in the barn. They've a bottle of
whisky with them, so they're happy with that.
Next day they finish their journey, ski as long as the snow lasts and
finally drive home again.

A year and more later, one of the blokes hears a knock at his door and
there's the other bloke with a big legal envelope in his hand.

"D'ye remember the night we went to go skiing, and we slept in that
barn?" he asks.
"Aye, I do."
"D'ye remember the farmwife wouldn't let us in the house for fear people
would talk?"
"Aye, I do."
"Did ye pay her a visit after I'd gone to sleep, by any chance?"
"Eh, weel, as it happens I did."
"And did you happen to accidentally give her my name and not your own?"
"Eh, weel, I'm sorry, it might've seemed like a good idea at the time...
Eh, what've you got in that envelope then?"
...
...
...
"Oh, she's died, d'ye know, and left me everything!"
--
Sue ];(

..
"Oh, she's died, d'ye know, and left me everything!"

it's quite a good one, Sue.

:-)

Enotrio

tm wrote in news:tm-DEFD3E.13092622102003
@newsflood.tokyo.att.ne.jp:

In article ,
Sue wrote:

There's almost no jokes about skiing

Three guys go to a ski lodge. All the rooms are taken 'cept one.
They agree to share the bed. Middle of the night the guy on the right
wakes up and says," I just had the most vivid dream. I dreamt i was
getting a hand job!". The guy on the left, amazingly, has had the same
dream. The guy in the middle says, "That's funny, I dreamt I was
skiing."

Good one. 'Cept you left out the part that Scott was the guy in the middle
and he wasn't asleep.

In message , Olaf
Timandahaff writes

Three guys go to a ski lodge. All the rooms are taken 'cept one.
They agree to share the bed. Middle of the night the guy on the right
wakes up and says," I just had the most vivid dream. I dreamt i was
getting a hand job!". The guy on the left, amazingly, has had the same
dream. The guy in the middle says, "That's funny, I dreamt I was
skiing."

I heard the same joke, only they were whitewater kayakers and the two
guys on the outside were hurt. Badly!

MTB racers. The downhill bits'd be about right!
--
Sue ];(

When I was a child we used to get some snow most winters and I really
wanted to try skiing. I used to pray for a pair of skis but none of the
gods ever answered.
Now I'm older I realise they don't work that way, so I stole the skis
and asked the gods to forgive me.
--
Sue ];(

Two dyslectic skiers were going down the mountain in a complete mess,
One was ziging when he should have bean zaging, the other zaging when he
should have bean ziging,
Suddenly they spot someone travelling gracefully down the slope, they
manage to catch up and ask how he did it?
Afraid I can not help you as I am a Tobogganist,
In that case I will have a packet of 20........
--
Richard Crapp

Richard Crapp wrote:

Two dyslectic skiers were going down the mountain in a complete mess,
One was ziging when he should have bean zaging, the other zaging when he
should have bean ziging,
Suddenly they spot someone travelling gracefully down the slope, they
manage to catch up and ask how he did it?
Afraid I can not help you as I am a Tobogganist,
In that case I will have a packet of 20........

Your name mirrors both the joke and the way you tell it.


--
Trophy 1200 750SS CB400F GN250 CD200 ST70 YTC#3
GAGARPHOF#30 GHPOTHUF#1 IHABWTJ#1 BOTAFOT#60 ANORAK#06
BOF#30 WUSS#5 "Worse than Timo" - Official

Your name mirrors both the joke and the way you tell it.
Thank you Mr anonymous. Kindly put me in your reject tray .
--
Richard Crapp

In message ipex.com,
The Older Gentleman writes
Richard Crapp wrote:

Two dyslectic skiers were going down the mountain in a complete mess,
One was ziging when he should have bean zaging, the other zaging when he
should have bean ziging,
Suddenly they spot someone travelling gracefully down the slope, they
manage to catch up and ask how he did it?
Afraid I can not help you as I am a Tobogganist,
In that case I will have a packet of 20........

Your name mirrors both the joke and the way you tell it.


Sir, you are no gentleman!
--
Sue ]

In message , Ed Pauls
writes

Answer this One: When Jesus returns, will he ski or board?
Next question: Will he need release bindings?
Will he need a lift ticket?
Will there be new powder?

This is the character that walked on water, right?
So you're asking a technical question of some substance here.

My feeling is that we haven't enough information, but maybe someone here
can supply it.
Did he walk on water by using an anti-gravity shield? By hidden
stepping stones? By altering the water's viscosity or surface tension?
By handing out mind-altering drugs to the audience?

With an anti-gravity device he could pretend to ski or board while not
making contact with the snow, but there wouldn't be much point. It
wouldn't matter about the bindings or the state of the snow and he could
obviously dispense with lifts.
Whereas, if the onlookers were stoned he'll presumably be boarding,
won't need a pass because he'll know the staff, and will wait as long as
he needs to for powder.
--
Sue ];(