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#1
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Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!
Ski season is almost here. Hence, the following is a list of exercises to
prepa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 2. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. 3. Fasten a small, wide rubberband around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. 4. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. 5. Throw a hundred dollar bill away -- now. 6. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. 7. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. 8. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. 9. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. 10. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. 11. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. 12. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler. 13. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. 14. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. 15. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor. 16. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing! |
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#2
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Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!
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#3
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Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!
"lal_truckee" wrote in message
et... wrote: Ski season is almost here. Hence, the following is a list of exercises to prepa Ah, yes. But do any of the activities on this well established, indeed ancient, list even approach the true joy and wonder of skiing? Diminishing minds want to know. Of course they do. That is exactly what skiing is all about: being miserable while spending thousands of dollars to be miserable. SO, if you are thinking that you might like to try skiing or boarding, ask yourself if you are prepared to pay to be miserable. Then, think of a better way to spend your time and money. Please, leave the misery for me to deal with. Stay home, watch a football game or some NASCAR on the weekend. Thanks. -- Marty Why oh why do I love the misery!!!!??? And, where the hell is my other glove? |
#4
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Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!
I agree. Stay home this winter. MORE POW FOR ME! Lol
"Marty" wrote in message . .. "lal_truckee" wrote in message et... wrote: Ski season is almost here. Hence, the following is a list of exercises to prepa Ah, yes. But do any of the activities on this well established, indeed ancient, list even approach the true joy and wonder of skiing? Diminishing minds want to know. Of course they do. That is exactly what skiing is all about: being miserable while spending thousands of dollars to be miserable. SO, if you are thinking that you might like to try skiing or boarding, ask yourself if you are prepared to pay to be miserable. Then, think of a better way to spend your time and money. Please, leave the misery for me to deal with. Stay home, watch a football game or some NASCAR on the weekend. Thanks. -- Marty Why oh why do I love the misery!!!!??? And, where the hell is my other glove? |
#5
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Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!
There are a couple missing and the prices need updating:
Missing: 1. Pay $3 to 5K for each family member for clothes and equipment and have them stand around whining that it is cold and the snow is slippery. 2. Pay exorbitant prices for sub-standard lodging and food as often as possible. 3. Practice being arrogant and inconsiderate to anyone in service--and to anyone in any line you have to stand in. 4. Throw trash on you neighbors lawns so that when you are at the ski resort of your choice you won't have second thoughts about throwing your trash on the snow, either on or off the mountain--after all, it will get buried in snow and no one will see it, right? And the prices for #1 should be $78 and 2 $100 bills. wrote in message . .. Ski season is almost here. Hence, the following is a list of exercises to prepa -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 2. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. 3. Fasten a small, wide rubberband around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. 4. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. 5. Throw a hundred dollar bill away -- now. 6. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. 7. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. 8. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. 9. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. 10. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. 11. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. 12. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler. 13. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. 14. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. 15. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor. 16. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing! ----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure Usenet News==---- http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! 120,000+ Newsgroups ----= East and West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption =---- |
#6
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Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!
In message ,
lal_truckee writes wrote: Ski season is almost here. Hence, the following is a list of exercises to prepa Ah, yes. But do any of the activities on this well established, indeed ancient, list even approach the true joy and wonder of skiing? Diminishing minds want to know. Where's the bit where you go into a mountain restaurant and gorge on pastries and eau-de-vie, possibly accompanied by coffee, on the pretext of needing to warm up? Where's the bit where you're swimming in unexpectedly deep soft snow, groping around for a missing ski, not knowing whether you should try to reach firmer ground first or try to reattach the ski first, and a ski-school class of tiny children files by giggling at you? Where's the bit where you sit on a restaurant terrace in the sun having another bier(e), watching it melt and drip off the trees, sparkling against the blue sky, and you don't give a damn? Where's the vast panorama of mountains fading into the distance, as you ski slowly backwards, uphill, ready to promise your soul to Cthulhu if he'll get you out of this wind? Where's the bit where it's got dark while you were in a bar having a quick apres and you can't remember where you left your skis - and there are only about 300 pairs outside? -- Sue ];( |
#7
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Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!
Of course. That is my point. Last year the Mountain removed over 300,000
CUBIC YARDS of trash during the summer clean up. And the rest of us have yards full of trash once the snow melts. Thank you for making my point clear to all. "tpg996" wrote in message ups.com... 4. Throw trash on you neighbors lawns so that when you are at the ski resort of your choice you won't have second thoughts about throwing your trash on the snow, either on or off the mountain--after all, it will get buried in snow and no one will see it, right? come on don't u know that stuff stays there and shows up after the snow melts think of the environmental costs and all the problems it causes ----== Posted via Newsfeeds.Com - Unlimited-Unrestricted-Secure Usenet News==---- http://www.newsfeeds.com The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! 120,000+ Newsgroups ----= East and West-Coast Server Farms - Total Privacy via Encryption =---- |
#8
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Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!
4. Throw trash on you neighbors lawns so that when you are at the ski resort
of your choice you won't have second thoughts about throwing your trash on the snow, either on or off the mountain--after all, it will get buried in snow and no one will see it, right? come on don't u know that stuff stays there and shows up after the snow melts think of the environmental costs and all the problems it causes |
#9
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Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!
tpg996 wrote:
4. Throw trash on you neighbors lawns so that when you are at the ski resort of your choice you won't have second thoughts about throwing your trash on the snow, either on or off the mountain--after all, it will get buried in snow and no one will see it, right? come on don't u know that stuff stays there and shows up after the snow melts think of the environmental costs and all the problems it causes Whhoooooossssssshhhhhhh ! |
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