Not As Young As I Used To Be

Hello, I am Gonar the Incontinent and I claim this newsgroup
for Budapest.

Today my question concerns bump skiing and aging. Surely
some of my loyal subjects have experience with this phenomenon.

While I can still bop through the bumps with style and panache,
I find the bouncing and pounding of skiing zipperline has a most
unfortunate side effect with regard to my bowels. As your leader
in style and taste, I do not want to forgo my customary outfit of
skin tight ski pants with bandanas tied around both legs,
because I look so totally rad that way, but my god, I just about
pulled a Horvath (potato in the back) last weekend and only the
proximity of the lodge saved me from a most unkingly indignity.

Suggestions?

On Tue, 27 Jan 2009 22:51:57 -0800 (PST), Gonar the Incontinent
wrote this crap:

Hello, I am Gonar the Incontinent and I claim this newsgroup
for Budapest.

Do you even realize that you are adressing a mighty Hungarian warrior?

Today my question concerns bump skiing and agin
because I look so totally rad that way, but my god, I just about
pulled a Horvath (potato in the back) last weekend and only the
proximity of the lodge saved me from a most unkingly indignity.

Suggestions?

Kill yourself before I find you. You won't like it when I get angry.




A mighty Hungarian warrior
The blood of Attila runs through me

On Jan 27, 10:51*pm, Gonar the Incontinent wrote:
Hello, I am Gonar the Incontinent and I claim this newsgroup
for Budapest.

Today my question concerns bump skiing and aging. Surely
some of my loyal subjects have experience with this phenomenon.

While I can still bop through the bumps with style and panache,
I find the bouncing and pounding of skiing zipperline has a most
unfortunate side effect with regard to my bowels. As your leader
in style and taste, I do not want to forgo my customary outfit of
skin tight ski pants with bandanas tied around both legs,
because I look so totally rad that way, but my god, I just about
pulled a Horvath (potato in the back) last weekend and only the
proximity of the lodge saved me from a most unkingly indignity.

Suggestions?

Wear brown ski pants.

Gonar the Incontinent wrote:
Hello, I am Gonar the Incontinent and I claim this newsgroup
for Budapest.

Today my question concerns bump skiing and aging. Surely
some of my loyal subjects have experience with this phenomenon.

While I can still bop through the bumps with style and panache,
I find the bouncing and pounding of skiing zipperline has a most
unfortunate side effect with regard to my bowels. As your leader
in style and taste, I do not want to forgo my customary outfit of
skin tight ski pants with bandanas tied around both legs,
because I look so totally rad that way, but my god, I just about
pulled a Horvath (potato in the back) last weekend and only the
proximity of the lodge saved me from a most unkingly indignity.

Suggestions?

Two days before you ski, eat nothing but meat and cheese and avoid
water. . Take some leftover Lortab or Percocet out of your medicine
cabinet. It will take care of that pesky problem for a week to ten
days, and next time you do poop, it'll take a jackhammer and blasting
caps. You're welcome.

Gonar the Incontinent wrote:

Hello, I am Gonar the Incontinent and I claim this newsgroup
for Budapest.

Today my question concerns bump skiing and aging. Surely
some of my loyal subjects have experience with this phenomenon.

Not likely, but we may be able to offer theoretical assistance.

While I can still bop through the bumps with style and panache,
I find the bouncing and pounding of skiing zipperline has a most
unfortunate side effect with regard to my bowels. As your leader
in style and taste, I do not want to forgo my customary outfit of
skin tight ski pants with bandanas tied around both legs,
because I look so totally rad that way, but my god, I just about
pulled a Horvath (potato in the back) last weekend and only the
proximity of the lodge saved me from a most unkingly indignity.

Suggestions?

My daughter tells me that there are diaper-like contraptions that non-continent
(I assume this is a training rather than a functional problem) doggies can wear
which assist in potty-training the recalcitrant. The dog apparently wears the
thing in the house and takes it off outside. Well, somebody takes it off; if
the dog could take it off himself he probably would.

I really don't want to dwell on what the mechanism for preventing unwanted
elimination of fecal matter might be, so if you're interested you can check it
out yourself.

I suppose you'll insist on reporting your findings, but I really hope you won't...

--
Cheers, Bev
---------------------------------------------------
I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's
a bunny with a pancake on his head:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/misc15.jpg

On Jan 28, 2:20*pm, Dave Cartman wrote:
Gonar the Incontinent wrote:





Hello, I am Gonar the Incontinent and I claim this newsgroup
for Budapest.

Today my question concerns bump skiing and aging. Surely
some of my loyal subjects have experience with this phenomenon.

While I can still bop through the bumps with style and panache,
I find the bouncing and pounding of skiing zipperline has a most
unfortunate side effect with regard to my bowels. As your leader
in style and taste, I do not want to forgo my customary outfit of
skin tight ski pants with bandanas tied around both legs,
because I look so totally rad that way, but my god, I just about
pulled a Horvath (potato in the back) last weekend and only the
proximity of the lodge saved me from a most unkingly indignity.

Suggestions?

Two days before you ski, eat nothing but meat and cheese and avoid
water. . Take some leftover Lortab or Percocet out of your medicine
cabinet. *It will take care of that pesky problem for a week to ten
days, and next time you do poop, it'll take a jackhammer and blasting
caps. You're welcome.- Hide quoted text -

Oh man, that brings back memories. I was on a morphine drip for 3
days once and the fools didn't give me anything to help keep things
moving. The low point came when I walked to bare-assed to the nurses
station with a colostomy sac in one hand, IV stand in the other and
said "I need an enema". True story. What's the moral? Never, EVER
buy Marker bindings.

JP
****************
Is it ruptured?!

Jay Pique wrote:

Oh man, that brings back memories. I was on a morphine drip for 3
days once and the fools didn't give me anything to help keep things
moving. The low point came when I walked to bare-assed to the nurses
station with a colostomy sac in one hand, IV stand in the other and
said "I need an enema". True story. What's the moral? Never, EVER
buy Marker bindings.

Is that one of those "QED"s?

In article
,
Jay Pique wrote:

On Jan 28, 2:20*pm, Dave Cartman wrote:
Gonar the Incontinent wrote:





Hello, I am Gonar the Incontinent and I claim this newsgroup
for Budapest.

Today my question concerns bump skiing and aging. Surely
some of my loyal subjects have experience with this phenomenon.

While I can still bop through the bumps with style and panache,
I find the bouncing and pounding of skiing zipperline has a most
unfortunate side effect with regard to my bowels. As your leader
in style and taste, I do not want to forgo my customary outfit of
skin tight ski pants with bandanas tied around both legs,
because I look so totally rad that way, but my god, I just about
pulled a Horvath (potato in the back) last weekend and only the
proximity of the lodge saved me from a most unkingly indignity.

Suggestions?

Two days before you ski, eat nothing but meat and cheese and avoid
water. . Take some leftover Lortab or Percocet out of your medicine
cabinet. *It will take care of that pesky problem for a week to ten
days, and next time you do poop, it'll take a jackhammer and blasting
caps. You're welcome.- Hide quoted text -

Oh man, that brings back memories. I was on a morphine drip for 3
days once and the fools didn't give me anything to help keep things
moving. The low point came when I walked to bare-assed to the nurses
station with a colostomy sac in one hand, IV stand in the other and
said "I need an enema". True story.

Yeah, I went through a similar thing several years ago after shoulder
surgery for a mountain biking misadventure. When things FINALLY started
up again, I felt like I was crapping gravel.

What's the moral? Never, EVER
buy Marker bindings.

The moral I should have learned, but didn't for a few more years, is
never try to impress a girl by pretending you are good at something that
she actually is good at.

On Jan 28, 1:51*am, Gonar the Incontinent wrote:
Hello, I am Gonar the Incontinent and I claim this newsgroup
for Budapest.

Today my question concerns bump skiing and aging. Surely
some of my loyal subjects have experience with this phenomenon.

While I can still bop through the bumps with style and panache,
I find the bouncing and pounding of skiing zipperline has a most
unfortunate side effect with regard to my bowels. As your leader
in style and taste, I do not want to forgo my customary outfit of
skin tight ski pants with bandanas tied around both legs,
because I look so totally rad that way, but my god, I just about
pulled a Horvath (potato in the back) last weekend and only the
proximity of the lodge saved me from a most unkingly indignity.

Suggestions?

You can try slowing it down. If you do that with opioids, you'll fail
the drug test at the bordello. Try Citracel - slows bowel motility.

Or

You can try speeding things up. Get a Fleet's enema, self administer -
it's easy and you'll be empty by the time you get to the door. Anally
oriented porn actresses swear by 'em.

"Dave Cartman" wrote in message
...

What's the moral? Never, EVER
buy Marker bindings.

The moral I should have learned, but didn't for a few more years, is
never try to impress a girl by pretending you are good at something that
she actually is good at.

LOL! That's probably one of the smarter lessons to learn.