To become an expert skier

lal_truckee wrote:
bumpfreaq wrote:

I've described myself as an advanced but not expert skier. The truth
is I don't really know how to describe my level of skiing.

To help everyone judge their level of skiing, perhaps it is time to
revive Klaus' observations on the subject of Expert Skiers, as we seem
to have gone astray.

I quote from Klaus Biggers' post of Aug 13 1993 at 8:07 am (what - no
dawn patrol?) in this news group's predecessor rec.skiing.

The original is being faithfully preserved by our friend Google at
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.skiing/msg/7ba92838fb4e34b6?q=real+SKier+vs.+Expert&hl=en&lr= &ie=UTF-8&rnum=1


QUOTE Klaus

Well... the current (dying) thread on experts has got me thinking about
the differences between Real Skiers (tm) and Expert Skiers. The
following are my observations....

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Expert Skier: Drives to the local resort in the Beemer with the skis on
the rack upside down, tips back, ...

Real Skier: Hasn't dug his/her 1976 Ford F150 Pickup out since the last
time he got an impound warning for impeding snow removal, walks to the
lift, never shows his pass.

Expert Skier: Got a great deal on the latest in ski gear at Sniagrab.

Real Skier: Picked up a used set at a garage sale and found his bindings
in the dumpster outside his apartment.

Expert Skier: Goes out to a fine restaurant for dinner apres ski.

Real Skier: Is his waiter.

Expert Skier: His favorite run has a name like Jaws of Death, Outer
Limits, White Heat, or some such.

Real Skier: His favorite run has no name.

Expert Skier: Counts the number of days he skied last season.

Real Skier: Counts the number of days he missed all year.

Expert Skier: Wishes the ski season was longer.

Real Skier: Didn't realize skiing was restricted to a particular season,
only that sometimes the lifts run and sometimes they don't.

Expert Skier: Calls the avalanche report before hitting the resort.

Real Skier: Calls in his observations to the Avalanche Forcast Center
when he gets back from his tour.

Expert Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski his favorite resort.

Real Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski somewhere else.

Expert Skier: Thinks the new lift is great.

Real Skier: Spent all last night loosening the bolts on pole 12 of the
new lift.

Expert Skier: Feels confident adjusting his binding.

Real Skier: Feels comfortable mounting his bindings.

Expert Skier: Thinks the female lift attendant is cute.

Real Skier: Blushes when she tells him how much she enjoyed last night.

Expert Skier: Subscribes to Powder Magazine to find out the hot places
to ski.

Real Skier: Skims through the ski rags while he's at the sev' buying
beer to see how many of his favorite places they've ruined.

Expert Skier: Thinks Vail is the resort of all resorts.

Real Skier: Tells everyone that Vail is the resort of all resorts.

Expert Skier: Buys all his buddies beers at the lodge.

Real Skier: Gets all his beer free cuz he lives with the guy tending bar.

Expert Skier: Gets real ****ed off when someone skis over the tops of
his skis.

Real Skier: Paints his skis flat black so no one will steal them,
worries about the bottoms of his skis... not the tops.

Expert Skier: Calls the resort snow report before heading up.

Real Skier: Carries a hand held scanner so he knows when the patrol is
going to open the bowls.

Expert Skier: Thinks off-piste is when you step into the trees to
relieve yourself. (Thanx Dave!)

Real Skier: Skis home to pee.

Expert Skier: Thinks the backcountry is a bar.

Real Skier: Chuckles when some touron asks him where he can find the
Backcountry.

Expert Skier: Thinks climbing skins are made of brightly colored Lycra(tm).

Real Skier: Knows how to reglue them.

Expert Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty damn funny.

Real Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty damn funny.

Expert Skier: Has a fancy ski rack on his car.

Real Skier: Has a fancy ski rack by the front door.

Expert Skier: Sharpens his edges once a week.

Real Skier: Sharpens his edges when he flies home to visit his parents
for Christmas in Vermont.

Expert Skier: Knows all about snow making....

Real Skier: Worked on the snowmaking crew for three years.

Expert Skier: Calls a 1-900 number to get the latest weather report.

Real Skier: Steps outside and looks up...

Expert Skier: Has a Grateful Dead sticker on his BMW.

Real Skier: Lives with four dead-heads in a one bedroom apartment.

Expert Skier: Has a gagloop of ski passes hanging all over his jacket
from places like Breckenridge and Vail and Aspen and .....

Real Skier: Forgot his season pass at home... but it doesn't really matter.

Expert skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cuz his skis came
off.

Real skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cuz his skis stayed
on.

Expert Skier: Wears GoreTex(tm).

Real Skier: Wears duct tape.

Expert Skier: Thinks high speed quads are a type of ski lift.

Real Skier: Thinks high speed quads are the leg muscles of the guy
breaking trail. (Again.. Thanx Dave)

Expert Skier: Gets all excited cuz it snowed 12 inches, gets up early so
he can beat the crowds.

Real Skier: Sleeps in til noon since it only snowed a foot overnight.

Expert Skier: Goes on ski vacation, flies out, rents a fancy Ford
Explorer that he parks outside the three bedroom condo he rents.

Real Skier: Comes home from skiing to find some dumb**** tourist has
parked a Ford Explorer with a Budget Rent-a-Car sticker in his spot
again, pulls the valve stem cores from three tires, and tapes them to
the windshield with a nasty note.

DISCLAIMER: Any similarity to persons living or dead, real or
ficticious, was purposefully intended, and the author assumes no
responsibility for the clue-challenged that would take offense to said
similarity.... And if that was your Ford Explorer... it wasn't me.

UNQUOTE Klaus

Yeah, kewl, but don't you think you are being a little
hard on Vermont? I mean, we do have snow, just a little
don't ya know? And LAL you know you have a standing invite
to come ski ice with me? Or if you wait long enough, maybe
ski some slush.

In article . com,
"bumpfreaq" writes:

If it wasn't clear in my original post let me make it clear now: I'm
a long long way from declaring myself an expert and I doubt it will
ever happen. It's just that I see dozens of signs each day that say
"experts only" and I see the term in this group as well so it got me
to thinking, what exactly is the measuring stick that's being held up?

The measuring stick is the same one used everywhere else: It is graduated
according to the least common denominator. That's why the speed limit is
35mph going up Berthoud pass: This is way below the speed most people can
drive on this road. Compared to the bottom of the barrel we are expert
drivers. Compared to a rally car driver we are hopeless kooks.
Having seen you ski I can say you are qualified to ski the expert only runs :-)

Bruno.

VtSkier wrote:

Yeah, kewl, but don't you think you are being a little
hard on Vermont? I mean, we do have snow, just a little
don't ya know? And LAL you know you have a standing invite
to come ski ice with me? Or if you wait long enough, maybe
ski some slush.

Blame Klaus, not me.

And anyway, I have my own slush (knee deep today) out below Estelle Bowl
where you had your intimacy with the tree. Almost tempted to look for
wide skis; but insanity prevailed and I backed slowly and carefully away
from modernity once again. As long as the skills are mature and the legs
are young, there's no need ...

"VtSkier" wrote in message
(snip)

Yeah, kewl, but don't you think you are being a little
hard on Vermont? I mean, we do have snow, just a little
don't ya know? And LAL you know you have a standing invite
to come ski ice with me? Or if you wait long enough, maybe
ski some slush.

VtSkier how's the conditions look for this weekend? How are the conditions
now?
Two weekends ago it was pretty icy.

JQ
Dancing on the edge

JQ wrote:
"VtSkier" wrote in message
(snip)
Yeah, kewl, but don't you think you are being a little
hard on Vermont? I mean, we do have snow, just a little
don't ya know? And LAL you know you have a standing invite
to come ski ice with me? Or if you wait long enough, maybe
ski some slush.

VtSkier how's the conditions look for this weekend? How are the conditions
now?
Two weekends ago it was pretty icy.

JQ
Dancing on the edge

Tomorrow is going to be nice. We had a good storm last week
with up to 18" of stuff that sticks pretty good. A lot less
wind displacement than last time.

Beginning tomorrow night, we're in for a bit of warm and
showery weather with a mix tomorrow night and Thursday
and and rain showers only Friday, but clearing on Saturday.
Could be icy in the AM and soften up around 11 for a nice
afternoon.

20's Friday night, hence the icing, 35 or so Saturday, but
it will take a while to soften.

BTW, this weekend will be Pico's last. Closing the 25th.

I'm off to the flatlands of central NY for a party.
I'll ski tomorrow then not again until next Wednesday.

On Mar 19, 8:06 pm, (Miko the pooch) wrote:
In article . com,
"bumpfreaq" writes:



If it wasn't clear in my original post let me make it clear now: I'm
a long long way from declaring myself an expert and I doubt it will
ever happen. It's just that I see dozens of signs each day that say
"experts only" and I see the term in this group as well so it got me
to thinking, what exactly is the measuring stick that's being held up?

The measuring stick is the same one used everywhere else: It is graduated
according to the least common denominator. That's why the speed limit is
35mph going up Berthoud pass: This is way below the speed most people can
drive on this road. Compared to the bottom of the barrel we are expert
drivers. Compared to a rally car driver we are hopeless kooks.
Having seen you ski I can say you are qualified to ski the expert only runs :-)

Bruno.

Thanks Bruno, that makes some sense. I'll keep working on getting my
speed up above 35mph. Perhaps Mr. Martin can help me with that next
year.

Chris
Proud kook

good call on getting out Bigger's notes -- I take exception, however, to a
"Real Skier going home to pee" -- as this implies that trees are used for
generating oxygen and shade.....

Jim

On Mon, 19 Mar 2007, lal_truckee wrote:

bumpfreaq wrote:

I've described myself as an advanced but not expert skier. The truth
is I don't really know how to describe my level of skiing.

To help everyone judge their level of skiing, perhaps it is time to revive
Klaus' observations on the subject of Expert Skiers, as we seem to have gone
astray.

I quote from Klaus Biggers' post of Aug 13 1993 at 8:07 am (what - no dawn
patrol?) in this news group's predecessor rec.skiing.

The original is being faithfully preserved by our friend Google at
http://groups.google.com/group/rec.skiing/msg/7ba92838fb4e34b6?q=real+SKier+vs.+Expert&hl=en&lr= &ie=UTF-8&rnum=1

QUOTE Klaus

Well... the current (dying) thread on experts has got me thinking about the
differences between Real Skiers (tm) and Expert Skiers. The following are my
observations....

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Expert Skier: Drives to the local resort in the Beemer with the skis on the
rack upside down, tips back, ...

Real Skier: Hasn't dug his/her 1976 Ford F150 Pickup out since the last time
he got an impound warning for impeding snow removal, walks to the lift, never
shows his pass.

Expert Skier: Got a great deal on the latest in ski gear at Sniagrab.

Real Skier: Picked up a used set at a garage sale and found his bindings in
the dumpster outside his apartment.

Expert Skier: Goes out to a fine restaurant for dinner apres ski.

Real Skier: Is his waiter.

Expert Skier: His favorite run has a name like Jaws of Death, Outer Limits,
White Heat, or some such.

Real Skier: His favorite run has no name.

Expert Skier: Counts the number of days he skied last season.

Real Skier: Counts the number of days he missed all year.

Expert Skier: Wishes the ski season was longer.

Real Skier: Didn't realize skiing was restricted to a particular season, only
that sometimes the lifts run and sometimes they don't.

Expert Skier: Calls the avalanche report before hitting the resort.

Real Skier: Calls in his observations to the Avalanche Forcast Center when he
gets back from his tour.

Expert Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski his favorite resort.

Real Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski somewhere else.

Expert Skier: Thinks the new lift is great.

Real Skier: Spent all last night loosening the bolts on pole 12 of the new
lift.

Expert Skier: Feels confident adjusting his binding.

Real Skier: Feels comfortable mounting his bindings.

Expert Skier: Thinks the female lift attendant is cute.

Real Skier: Blushes when she tells him how much she enjoyed last night.

Expert Skier: Subscribes to Powder Magazine to find out the hot places to
ski.

Real Skier: Skims through the ski rags while he's at the sev' buying beer to
see how many of his favorite places they've ruined.

Expert Skier: Thinks Vail is the resort of all resorts.

Real Skier: Tells everyone that Vail is the resort of all resorts.

Expert Skier: Buys all his buddies beers at the lodge.

Real Skier: Gets all his beer free cuz he lives with the guy tending bar.

Expert Skier: Gets real ****ed off when someone skis over the tops of his
skis.

Real Skier: Paints his skis flat black so no one will steal them, worries
about the bottoms of his skis... not the tops.

Expert Skier: Calls the resort snow report before heading up.

Real Skier: Carries a hand held scanner so he knows when the patrol is going
to open the bowls.

Expert Skier: Thinks off-piste is when you step into the trees to relieve
yourself. (Thanx Dave!)

Real Skier: Skis home to pee.

Expert Skier: Thinks the backcountry is a bar.

Real Skier: Chuckles when some touron asks him where he can find the
Backcountry.

Expert Skier: Thinks climbing skins are made of brightly colored Lycra(tm).

Real Skier: Knows how to reglue them.

Expert Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty damn funny.

Real Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty damn funny.

Expert Skier: Has a fancy ski rack on his car.

Real Skier: Has a fancy ski rack by the front door.

Expert Skier: Sharpens his edges once a week.

Real Skier: Sharpens his edges when he flies home to visit his parents for
Christmas in Vermont.

Expert Skier: Knows all about snow making....

Real Skier: Worked on the snowmaking crew for three years.

Expert Skier: Calls a 1-900 number to get the latest weather report.

Real Skier: Steps outside and looks up...

Expert Skier: Has a Grateful Dead sticker on his BMW.

Real Skier: Lives with four dead-heads in a one bedroom apartment.

Expert Skier: Has a gagloop of ski passes hanging all over his jacket from
places like Breckenridge and Vail and Aspen and .....

Real Skier: Forgot his season pass at home... but it doesn't really matter.

Expert skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cuz his skis came off.

Real skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cuz his skis stayed on.

Expert Skier: Wears GoreTex(tm).

Real Skier: Wears duct tape.

Expert Skier: Thinks high speed quads are a type of ski lift.

Real Skier: Thinks high speed quads are the leg muscles of the guy breaking
trail. (Again.. Thanx Dave)

Expert Skier: Gets all excited cuz it snowed 12 inches, gets up early so he
can beat the crowds.

Real Skier: Sleeps in til noon since it only snowed a foot overnight.

Expert Skier: Goes on ski vacation, flies out, rents a fancy Ford Explorer
that he parks outside the three bedroom condo he rents.

Real Skier: Comes home from skiing to find some dumb**** tourist has parked a
Ford Explorer with a Budget Rent-a-Car sticker in his spot again, pulls the
valve stem cores from three tires, and tapes them to the windshield with a
nasty note.

DISCLAIMER: Any similarity to persons living or dead, real or ficticious, was
purposefully intended, and the author assumes no responsibility for the
clue-challenged that would take offense to said similarity.... And if that
was your Ford Explorer... it wasn't me.

UNQUOTE Klaus

James Bassuk wrote:
good call on getting out Bigger's notes -- I take exception, however, to
a "Real Skier going home to pee" -- as this implies that trees are used
for generating oxygen and shade.....

Yeah, I noticed that. IMO Real Skiers **** in the woods; why should the
pope have all the fun?

lal_truckee wrote:
James Bassuk wrote:
good call on getting out Bigger's notes -- I take exception, however, to
a "Real Skier going home to pee" -- as this implies that trees are used
for generating oxygen and shade.....

Yeah, I noticed that. IMO Real Skiers **** in the woods; why should the
pope have all the fun?

shrug Watershed.

-klaus

klaus wrote:
lal_truckee wrote:
..
Yeah, I noticed that. IMO Real Skiers **** in the woods; why should the
pope have all the fun?

shrug Watershed.

Vatican City is upstream? Who knew?

//Walt