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Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!



 
 
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  #1  
Old November 18th 06, 05:04 PM posted to rec.skiing.alpine
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Posts: n/a
Default Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!

Ski season is almost here. Hence, the following is a list of exercises to
prepa
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a
half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

2. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

3. Fasten a small, wide rubberband around the top half of your head before
you go to bed each night.

4. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the
lenses.

5. Throw a hundred dollar bill away -- now.

6. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski
boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are
looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

7. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed
ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

8. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

9. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you
at high speed.

10. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure
you are in the longest line.

11. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle
fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

12. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm
and you're following an 18 wheeler.

13. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast
your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your
clothes.

14. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them
off because you have to go to the bathroom.

15. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

16. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for
the real thing!


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  #5  
Old November 19th 06, 04:28 AM posted to rec.skiing.alpine
Wayne Decker
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Posts: 72
Default Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!

There are a couple missing and the prices need updating:

Missing:
1. Pay $3 to 5K for each family member for clothes and equipment and have
them stand around whining that it is cold and the snow is slippery.

2. Pay exorbitant prices for sub-standard lodging and food as often as
possible.

3. Practice being arrogant and inconsiderate to anyone in service--and to
anyone in any line you have to stand in.

4. Throw trash on you neighbors lawns so that when you are at the ski resort
of your choice you won't have second thoughts about throwing your trash on
the snow, either on or off the mountain--after all, it will get buried in
snow and no one will see it, right?


And the prices for #1 should be $78 and 2 $100 bills.

wrote in message
. ..
Ski season is almost here. Hence, the following is a list of exercises to
prepa
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for
a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.

2. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

3. Fasten a small, wide rubberband around the top half of your head before
you go to bed each night.

4. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the
lenses.

5. Throw a hundred dollar bill away -- now.

6. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski
boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are
looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

7. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed
ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

8. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

9. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into
you at high speed.

10. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger. Be sure
you are in the longest line.

11. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle
fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

12. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a
snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.

13. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast
your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into
your clothes.

14. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them
off because you have to go to the bathroom.

15. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

16. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for
the real thing!






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  #6  
Old November 19th 06, 08:18 PM posted to rec.skiing.alpine
Sue
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Posts: 32
Default Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!

In message ,
lal_truckee writes
wrote:
Ski season is almost here. Hence, the following is a list of
exercises to prepa


Ah, yes. But do any of the activities on this well established, indeed
ancient, list even approach the true joy and wonder of skiing?
Diminishing minds want to know.


Where's the bit where you go into a mountain restaurant and gorge on
pastries and eau-de-vie, possibly accompanied by coffee, on the pretext
of needing to warm up?

Where's the bit where you're swimming in unexpectedly deep soft snow,
groping around for a missing ski, not knowing whether you should try to
reach firmer ground first or try to reattach the ski first, and a
ski-school class of tiny children files by giggling at you?

Where's the bit where you sit on a restaurant terrace in the sun having
another bier(e), watching it melt and drip off the trees, sparkling
against the blue sky, and you don't give a damn?

Where's the vast panorama of mountains fading into the distance, as you
ski slowly backwards, uphill, ready to promise your soul to Cthulhu if
he'll get you out of this wind?

Where's the bit where it's got dark while you were in a bar having a
quick apres and you can't remember where you left your skis - and there
are only about 300 pairs outside?

--
Sue ];(


  #7  
Old November 20th 06, 02:19 AM posted to rec.skiing.alpine
Wayne Decker
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Posts: 72
Default Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!

Of course. That is my point. Last year the Mountain removed over 300,000
CUBIC YARDS of trash during the summer clean up. And the rest of us have
yards full of trash once the snow melts. Thank you for making my point
clear to all.

"tpg996" wrote in message
ups.com...
4. Throw trash on you neighbors lawns so that when you are at the ski
resort
of your choice you won't have second thoughts about throwing your trash
on
the snow, either on or off the mountain--after all, it will get buried in
snow and no one will see it, right?


come on don't u know that stuff stays there and shows up after the snow
melts think of the environmental costs and all the problems it causes





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  #8  
Old November 20th 06, 07:34 PM posted to rec.skiing.alpine
tpg996
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Posts: 11
Default Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!

4. Throw trash on you neighbors lawns so that when you are at the ski resort
of your choice you won't have second thoughts about throwing your trash on
the snow, either on or off the mountain--after all, it will get buried in
snow and no one will see it, right?


come on don't u know that stuff stays there and shows up after the snow
melts think of the environmental costs and all the problems it causes

  #9  
Old November 21st 06, 09:25 AM posted to rec.skiing.alpine
BrritSki
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Posts: 575
Default Joke on Ski Season...Funny. I still love to Ski!

tpg996 wrote:
4. Throw trash on you neighbors lawns so that when you are at the ski resort
of your choice you won't have second thoughts about throwing your trash on
the snow, either on or off the mountain--after all, it will get buried in
snow and no one will see it, right?



come on don't u know that stuff stays there and shows up after the snow
melts think of the environmental costs and all the problems it causes

Whhoooooossssssshhhhhhh !
 




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