Well I'm packing away the eyeball-level poles, putting my
two-step-paddle-v2-offset-whatever on ice, and leaving the skis with
the funny lengths in the bag for this year. Seeing that I may be
spending more time next season cleaning poop off a baby's butt than
sitting in my subaru on the way to the snow, I've decided to return to
my roots and go "au naturale".

Coming to a race near you:

* Gunnar Haugen 30km, Jan 18, outside Seattle. A low-altitude warmup
(did I say low altitude?). Hoping that I will be able to use my
secret-weapon Madshus waxless, with a fresh R2.3 grind from NAT
BROWN'S NORDIC ULTRA TUNE IN EDMONDS WASHINGTON. I'll be the guy in
the polka-dotted uni, wearing headphones during the race because the
NFL was inconsiderate enough to schedule the AFC championship game,
starring my New England Patriots, during the race. Goal will be to
see how close I can get to that hot-shot Kent Somebody guy that my
friend Brian is always blathering on about.

* American Birkiebeiner, Feb 20 (?), Middle of Nowhere, Wisconsin. I
am grudgingly wasting both vacation and frequent flyer miles to attend
this stampede across a frozen snowmobile trail that somehow qualifies
as the Grandfather of American nordic ski races. I will be the guy
classic skiing with a fake moustache, nose and glasses setup to
disguise myself from all the midwesterners whom I have insulted over
the years on r.s.n. Why am I doing it? Because I feel obligated, as
an American, and because I've sceduled two trips before and had to
cancel. I'm not a quitter.

* The Great Race, March 7 or something, Truckee, CA. Yes, this is a
skate race, but it used to be a striding race, so in the theme of
returning to my roots, I will return to the race's roots. Plus, I
LOVE ****ing skaters off when I pass them in a graceful diagonal
stride.

* The Norweigan Birkie, March 20, Norway. I can't remember wxactly
where it is, btu I've signed up for it, and I figure there will be
signs from the airport telling me where to go. No goals other than to
see if I can podium in the female 70-74 category. That should be a
challenge considering it's probably populated by a bunch of former
olympians.

That's it for this season....

****TENTATIVE*****TENTATIVE****TENTATIVE****

* Dachstein Glacier, July 5-6. Not really a race, but challenge
enough when you are skiing at 9,000 ft.

* Kangaroo Hoppet, end of August. Since I'm not going to be able to
match my top 20 performance of a couple of years ago, perhaps this
time I'll kick and glide, and see how Aussies react to an American
beating them while skiing in first gear.

See you on the slopes!

bt