"Enemy Coast Ahead" or "A Guide to Speeding in France"


Crackle from the crystal set as the dial finally settles on the
191kHz band "And now, some messages for our English friends..."


Investigations continue into a number of details surrounding the new
camera system in France, the alterations to the speeding-fine regime
and its administration, but while these are concluded and the correct
counter-measures formulated, the main objective is propel as many
English skiers as possible across France at the highest possible speed
and maximize the insult delivered to the Fifth Republic and its
'authority', in order to dispatch it to the same place as the other
four.

Further, because of the nature of USENET and the fact that "Feind hört
mit" I could only transmit these in person.

A comprehensive guide to road-racing in Europe, radar detection and
jamming, regional levels of pay-off for the cops, legal and
administrative loopholes in vehicle registration, documentation, etc,
is beyond our frame of reference and since English skiers are mainly
concerned with arriving in the Alps quickly, some of the more esoteric
and complex methods of evading the scrutiny of authority will be
superfluous and thus our task is simplified there-by:

Since English skiers normally drive fast at night, we can overlook
manned radar traps.

In summary, the recent changes a

+ French have new laws to supplement their on-the-spot fine system
with confiscation of driving license and a 'ban' on driving in France.

+ French have added unmanned photographic radar traps

+ There is the potential for EU cross-border enforceability.



Solid preparation would include:

+ Replacement license

In the UK, tell the licensing authority you fell in the river and lost
your license, the dog ate it, etc , and apply for a replacement.
Plenty of spare paperwork is always good. This will save more complex
admin if you return to the UK without your license, plus means you
have more paperwork to show if you find yourself in a jam while still
in France.

+ Second driver

Not much you can do if you are on your own. But I find that very high
levels of concentration required to drive at high speeds (particularly
over 250kmh/157mph) for several hours at a time is physically wearing
and a co-driver helps to share the load.

+ The map from www.radarfixes.com

Which has more detailed information with every passing day.

+ For the truly well-prepared, internal radar-jammers. Caution is
advised as per my other posts. You will need to maintain a high level
of situational awareness. However, with the use of the information
form the radarfixes site / pace notes, the trouble and expense of
anti-radar devices can be avoided.


As soon as I am able, I will supply detailed pace-notes for the
most-frequented UK 'ski-corridors', listing trap positions, with
approx kilometer/mile, visual cue, and camera type, and photographs of
same. No doubt you will be able to buy whizzy GPS black boxes listing
the locations in the near future, relegating poor old funkraum and his
paper pace-notes to the same place as the dinosaurs.

Distribution will be copyright free but you must promise to sing the
Exxon company song every time you use the pace notes to evade a speed
camera, and also to fill-up at Exxon stations whenever possible, which
I shall list in the pace notes.


To "Das Deutschlandlied"

"Exxon, Exxon, über alles
"Fill us up with gas-O-leen

"Wipe the windshield, check the tires,
"for to increase maximum speed

"Pro-O-tect us from Ky-O-to
"und der eco-whacko und der greens

"For you we wi-i-ill
"Thrash our autos all the wa-A-y to ski-ee-ing



You can make up for lost time in slowing under the cameras by driving
extra fast on the unimpeded stretches of autoroute. This has the added
of advantage of annoying the environmentalists as pulsing the throttle
consumes even more fuel. If you have had a slow journey, once you have
unloaded the auto, head down to the parking lot and perform some
doughnuts and burn-outs for a few minutes in order to bring-up the
amount of fuel burned to the normal level.

This has the added advantages of hedging your bets. If the
carbon-dioxide global-warming whackos are right, then you have done
your bit. But if the NASA carbon-particle from 3rd World cooking fires
global-warming theory is right, then the rubber-smoke from the tires
means you have also done your bit.


General Outlook:

It is early-days for French speed cameras and the French have
considered the factors which make speed cameras uninstallable in
places like Tennessee and given them armor plate. So far the French
have discovered they are armored against .22 (very common in France)
but not 30 caliber. This kind of work is really a job for the locals
and someone has already investigated the resistance of the housing to
sledgehammers. The French, however, face a late but furious challenge
from the English, who have been using explosives and burning tractor
tires to rid themselves of GATSO cameras.

With the respect to administration, the French have 'demanded' the
right to add penalty points to the driving licenses of English drivers
but this is unlikely to go through as French drivers do not pay speed
camera fines from the UK. As well as around eight other good reasons.

I thought Erich Honecker was irritating but the EU looks set to exceed
him and more than achieve his dream. However, GPS seems to be the way
forward against fixed speed camera installations.


So !! English Skiers: Let us see you put the pedal to the Axminster,
the green Hunter Wellington-boots to the wood, and make like the late,
great, Night-Rider .... and lay a rubber road to freedom !!!